I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
