Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
