All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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