My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
