i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
