Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
