I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
