It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i came on her dog
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
