Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
