I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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