did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
