Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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