he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize