I CAN MOONWALK!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Boobs speak an international language.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
