Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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