Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
