She is in my trunk
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
