Small penises have feelings too.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
