why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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