i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
