I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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