were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
