If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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