Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The power of my boobs compel you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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