i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
its liver damage thursday
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
