This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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