I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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