We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
