found the other keg... it's in the tree
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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