i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
