dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
