Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
