The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
