if i can run in heels then i can drive
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
