did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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