I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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