you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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