Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
