Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
