When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
