You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
