U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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