Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
