Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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