You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
