god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
please don't ironically join a cult
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