Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
