so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
