So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
did you just send me my own nude
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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