he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
