I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
