D3 body, D1 cock
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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