I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
