it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
