he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize