who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
