I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
