My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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