I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
