I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
