Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
