I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
