i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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