i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
