You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
