i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
