apparently the secret to your success is patron
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
