I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize