I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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