If that was your dad, he is hot
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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