I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
