oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's always time for handjobs
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
