Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Please, let me fuck your mom
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
