I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
