Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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