hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
