you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
