he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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