Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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