She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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