Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
