is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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